Martin's Thoughts on Aussie Beer

Beer is a fundamental part of Australian culture, and it's something that most overseas visitors (Poms especially) think they understand, but are then surprised about when they get here. Now that we've been here for over a year, I think I've got a pretty good grip on the Aussie beer culture and I thought I'd share some of this wisdom with the world!

So here's an article which starts by shattering the key illusion about Aussie beer that I bet most have you have got, then goes on to talk about the beers, the pubs and other aspects of beer culture. It's fairly long, so you might want to go and get a drink now!

The Illusion

Like most people in the UK, I grew up with Paul Hogan wise-cracking his way around Britain plugging Fosters, and people "not giving a XXXX for anything else". Brilliant adverts. So it came as a huge shock to discover: Australians don't drink the stuff !!

OK, so that's not 100% true - I have seen the odd bloke with a bottle of Fosters Light Ice in his hand, and up in Queensland they are fond of their XXXX, but the idea that Aussies drink nothing but blue-label Fosters and XXXX is a complete illusion. A lot of Australians I've spoken to are embarrassed at the fact that Fosters is the official beer of the Olympics. At the time of writing (12 days from the start of the Sydney Olympics) you can't move in Sydney for Fosters logos, so all the overseas visitors will no doubt continue to believe in the great Fosters conspiracy!

The Beers

So what do Aussies drink? Here's another surprise - there's quite a wide range of Australian beers. Less of a surprise - to a real ale drinker, they all taste the same! Aussie beer is (by and large) cold, fizzy and yellow. If you like that sort of thing, you could be forgiven for thinking that you've landed in heaven, such is the selection.

Australian brewing is dominated by large breweries: Carlton & United and Lion Nathan being the biggest. Each of these pumps out a wide range of brands - Victoria Bitter (the famous VB), Carlton Draught, Carlton Cold, Tooheys New, Tooheys Old, Tooheys Red, Tooheys Pils, Hahn Premium, Crown Lager, Fosters Blue, XXXX Gold, XXXX Bitter.....the list is almost endless.

There is still a regional bias in beers - as mentioned earlier, XXXX goes down well in Queensland, New South Wales is Tooheys country and I bet you'll never guess what they drink in Victoria (although VB is definitely a national brand). South Australia is the home of Coopers, which is a shining light amongst the big brewers in that it actually produces a range of varied and interesting beers - Sparkling Ale is a cloudy, yeasty beer and their Extra Stout is pretty good too. I tend to think of Coopers as a bit like Fullers in the UK - a large regional brewer who can compete with the big boys but that still produces a quality product.

If you're a person who likes some taste in their beer, you may be thinking that Australia is a bit of a desert. And it is, I guess, but there are some signs of hope. Chuck Hahn (who owns the Hahn enormo-brewery) has set up a smaller brewery called the Malt Shovel Brewery and they turn out three beers under the James Squire label - Amber Ale, Pilsner and Porter. These are pretty tasty little numbers and are growing in popularity. Mainly sold in bottles, but the first two have been spotted on tap in a couple of pubs.

There are a few micro-breweries popping up around the place. There's one in Picton (NSW) which sells through the Australian Hotel in the Rocks. They produce two beers - Scharer's Lager (an extremely quaffable pilsner style) and Burragorong Bock (a dark, fruity head-kicker of a beer).

So what do I drink? I have to admit that in the majority of cases I'll settle for a VB - it's cheap and reliable. If I'm in a pub with James Squires on tap I'll have some of that, and if I'm in the Australian I'll be on the Scharer's. I do like a drop of Coopers Sparkling Ale, but it's murder on the head in the morning! And there are a few pubs around which do semi-decent Guinness.

One of the other surprises I've found out here is that any imported beer is treated as some sort of nectar of the gods! "If it's imported, it must be good" seems to be the rule! I never thought I'd see Heineken treated as a premium beer, but it is here, and priced accordingly.

Light Beer

And here's Australian beer's dark secret - the thing that nobody talks about! Over the last few years there's been a major crackdown on drink-driving and other alcohol-related problems. This has led to an increase in the marketing and consumption of light beer.

Now don't be fooled - light beer in Australia is not the same as "lite" beer in the USA (which is generally lower-calorie, easier drinking stuff e.g. Bud Lite), and it's not the same as low-alcohol beer in the UK (which is pretty much water with a few colourings). Light beer in Australia is generally 2%-3% alcohol, which is pretty close to English bitter. In comparison to most standard Aussie beers (which are generally 4.5%-5.5%) it is lower in alcohol, but it does taste of something.

The whole light beer thing is a bit weird. It does taste weaker than "normal" beer, but it's OK, and great for barbies and so on where you want something which is cold and beer-flavoured, and which you can drink in decent quantities without getting smashed. However, most Aussie blokes will never admit to drinking the stuff and will hide the labels!

The Pubs

So where do people drink these beers? In hotels of course. This is another Aussie peculiarity - most pubs are called hotels (Kings Arms Hotel, Royal Hotel, Australian Hotel etc.). Most of these hotels don't have rooms, although some will have a couple of beds for B&B. I've never had a convincing explanation of this!

So here's another surprise - there aren't as many pubs (sorry, I still can't refer to them as hotels) as you might expect. In fact, in Neutral Bay where we live, there's really only one pub - The Oaks (I don't count the Pickled Possum Bar!). Pubs seem to collect in pockets or enclaves - Newtown is a big suburb for pubs, as is Paddington. however, the whole of the Lower North Shore area is pretty blighted in terms of pubs. Going on a pub crawl can involve a lot of walking!

I have to say it - in general,  I hate Aussie pubs. A good Aussie pub is a rare and wondrous thing. What don't I like about them? Main problem is that they're too bright - you feel like you're getting a suntan from the lights! You can see the people you're talking to, and I'm sure that goes against all laws of pub life! Pubs are generally noisy (music-wise) and wide-open sprawling places packed with people. No cozy corners to have a quiet chat.

One thing that brought it home to me was a book someone bought us for our joint 60th birthday - a guide to Sydney's pubs. In the back it has a list of Top 10 Pubs for this-and-that, such as Pubs for food, Pubs for Sport, Pubs to Pick-Up in etc. However, there isn't a list of Top 10 Pubs With Good Beer, or Pubs To Have A Quiet Drink In. They probably couldn't find 10.

So where are the good pubs? Here are a few of my Sydney favourites:

The Containers

So, I've talked about the beers and where they're drunk, but what are they drunk out of? Glassware is another bizarre part of Aussie drinking. In general Australia is a very metric country (distances are measured in kilometres, speeds in kmh, weights in kilos etc.). So, you might expect them to drink out of half-litre glasses. But no, they don't even drink out of the same sized glasses in each state! In New South Wales, the predominant measures are the schooner and the middie. A schooner is bigger than a half, but smaller than a pint. A middie is smaller than a schooner, but not exactly half the size. Just to confuse matters, some pubs will serve Guinness in pints, but won't serve other beers in pints! And to really confuse the locals, the Australian Hotel only sells in pints and halves! Once you've got this sussed, you go to Victoria where they sell beer in pots..............

Then you've got bottled beer. Here it's pretty simple, they're generally all called stubbies. These are 375ml bottles, and there are several shape variations - the classic dumpy VB bottle, the conical Crown Lager bottle, the strangely shaped Hahn Premium bottle (apparently designed that way to enhance the flavour!!!!). In the Northern Territory they have the ultimate stubbie, known as a Darwin Stubbie. This is a HUGE bottle, which is at least 2 litres if not more!

To go with your stubbie, you have to have the ultimate Aussie fashion accessory - the stubbie holder! For those of you who haven't seen one of these, it's a foam cylinder, usually with a non-slip base, into which you slide your stubbie. Whether the primary purpose is to stop your hand getting cold or the beer getting warm I haven't managed to work out! They generally come decorated with a logo or humorous slogan, and every Aussie bloke has at least one!

The Pokies

If there's one thing which is widely considered to be the main reason for the decline of the Aussie pub, it's the rise of the pokies. Pokies are poker machines, one-armed bandits, call 'em what you will. Whole chunks of pubs have been given over to these blinking, bleeping machines. Little stools in front of them with people permanently perched, feeding coins into the machines. The gaming laws in Australia mean that pubs can make more money from pokies than they can from people drinking, and the government just loves the tax income.

It's rare to find a pub without pokies, although there is a growing groundswell of unease at the gambling problems they're introducing. One of my favourite Aussie bands, The Whitlams, recorded a song on their latest album called "Blow Up The Pokies" which seems to be  sentiment shared by many people.

So, there you go. Aussie beer culture is a bit more complicated than outsiders tend to think. We've been here long enough to get a feel for it, but certainly not long enough to understand it all. I hope that I've given you something to think about if you ever come out here, even if it's only how to order a schooner of VB in the Rag & Famish!